Creep

Him: "Doctor, I've been having pains in my stomach."

Me: "How long have you had this for?"

Him: "Two months, Doc."

Me: "And why are you in the ER at 3am instead of calling your family doc??"

Him: "I couldn't get satisfaction from the GP."

Me: (eyebrows raised) "Can't get no satisfaction."

Him: "Yes, I can't get in till tomorrow!"

Me: "OK... any nausea? Vomiting? Diarrhea?"

Him: "No."

Me: "Problems peeing? Bowel movements?"

Him: "No, that's all fine."

Me: (palpating his abdomen) "Tender at all?"

Him: "No."

Me: (pulling the drape back over him) "Well, your belly is nice and soft. I don't think there's anything terrible going on in there, you know?"

Him: "Wait, Doc! Can you press here again?" (he gestures towards his lower abdomen, near his pubic area)

Me: "I already did that."

Him: "No, I'd like you to do it again."

Me: "I'm sorry, but I'm not repeating that exam."

Him: "But really, Doc, can't you just press there again?"

Me: "Sir, I don't think there's anything wrong with your belly. I'm discharging you and I am not pressing there again."